Marriage and Sexuality

1. Marriage and Sexuality Why did people get married in EME?

2. Marriage and the Law • 3 ways of making a ‘binding’ relationship btw man and woman • Marriage in church • ‘Handfasting’ – marriage vows in front of witnesses, followed by … ! – Accepted by Church until 1563. • Betrothal de futuro - a public promise to marry in the future. Accepted by village society – sex usually happened after this. • According to Church, marriage was for; • Procreation • Perpetuation of the church • Containment of sexual desires • Mutual exercise and comfort

3. When did people get married? • Most people agreed with church reasons for marriage, BUT there was also an economic benefit to marriage • Aggregation (sharing) of property • Also – the procreation thing wasn’t just for religious purposes – it was also to have an heir to whom you could pass on your wealth/property • Sexual needs were considered important – companionship (emotional and physical) was desirable. • Age of first marriage pretty high - 26 for women, 27-29 for men (much later than many people think – economic reasons played huge part in this decision) • Around 10% of people unmarried into their forties.

4. STATS

5. Age of marriage cont.. • Diffs in age of marriage btw classes • Peerage/gentry = youngest • Artisans and labourers – next youngest • Yeomen / husbandmen (farmers) = oldest • WHY = $$$$$ • More $$$ = younger marriage • Peerage able to get married sooner = only 19% of eldest sons in gentry unmarried at 30. (42% of their younger brothers) – parents wanted next generation ASAP • Artisans etc – peak earnings in mid-twenties = married younger • Economic issue main decision maker. As real wages fell – marriage age rose • Disease affected the pattern – if large number of workers died, survivors able to earn more $$ - marry earlier

6. Age cont.. • Pattern of late marriage and number of people who NEVER married = decreased no. of kids. • This pattern not unique to England (similar in Western Europe) most other parts of Europe and Asia = marriage right after puberty • This pattern contributed to economic growth according to historian J Hajnal (1984) • Men who could not expect a living (i.e. apprentices, lower classes) had to train and save – kept many women in full-time work force that may have otherwise been ahving kids and staying at home. • Extra people in work force = extra spending AND saving = increased production. • Also reduced dependency ratio

7. Choosing a partner? • Higher the social class – more parental involvement in choosing a partern (they had to more to lose) Parents keen on providing upward social mobility • Perkins stated that parents shouldn’t force their kids into marriages, but church (Bishop Marnes of Durham – 1577) also said they “may not marry without consent of their parents”. • Those who did get married without parents consent often very guilty. • Men usually had more freedom of choice (except oldest sons in gentry) • Widows/widowers usually more free to choose also

8. Peerage and Gentry • Term ‘matrimonial slavery’ often used by historians when talking about marriage and parents involvement in upper classes. • Greater emphasis on economic matters – vs love. Young people (women esp. pretty much only had right of veto – not actual choice) • Frequent conflicts btw young people and parent sover choice of partner • Read stories pp. 60 about those who did go against parent’s wishes)

9. Middle of Society • Combination of economic matters and love more often practiced • Clergyman Ralph Josselin married for love – was involved in his kids marriage choices but took both eco and love into account. • Evidence that mostly men who had freedom to initiate courtships – men usually sought approval of the woman’s parents before going ‘too far’ • Josselin’s daughter Jane had an admirer Jonathon Woodthorpe – who asked for consent to court jane – Josselin gave it as “he was a sober, hopeful man his estate about 500 pounds” • People who married without parental consent faced either no dowry or being cut out of the parent’s will.

10. Lower classes • Little direct evidence from court records / documents • Young people in lower-classes had greatest level of freedomw in choosing a partner - what did they have to lose? • Also they were often seperated from their parents geographically anyway (Dad off looking for work) • Many lived in their employers houses together as servants – they met in ale-houses (pubs) and at annual hiring fairs • Parish officials biggest obstacle for poor people gettign married – many of them had to rely on parish funds to be housed – obviously parish not keen on adding children to the mix they had to look after.

11. Why get married? • Rite of passage • Beginning of ‘own’ life for many women • Elevated woman in the family heirarchy – married women actually had less rights (eg. Feme covert) but they were ‘considered’ superior to unmarried women. • Made men independent householders – often meant they now had rights to vote • Love and Sex – good reasons to get married ! • Status – you could marry ‘up’ in society. • Companionship imp. But practical necessities also imp – men needed women to do domestic duties’ raise kids, some middle class women needed a man to run their father’s businesses • Children - only in marriage could you have kids with societal approval

12. Who would you marry? • “Parity of age, status, wealth, reputation and religion, together with personal attraction, made the perfect match” (Wrightson) • Peerage gave more weight to status and wealth than lower classes (obviously) • Women often more practical in terms of choosing a partner than men. “Don’t marry for money, but marry where money is” (Chambers – 1972)

13. Activity - Marriage for ..? SOCIAL REASONS Gave full adult status Marriage was desirable goal according to society Procreation necessary to continue family line - only happened through marriage. Leisure activities based around married couples - single life pretty lonely. Sex outside of marriage not acceptable ECONOMIC REASONS Pool capital together Small businesses NEEDED husbands and wives to work together Men needed wives to run their household, and look after any children. Women needed $$$ from men to look after their children

14. Activity cont.. RELIGIOUS REASONS Church taught marriage began in garden of Eden Church condemned sex outside marriage Church taught that it was ‘duty’ to marry, procreate to multiply and replenish the the Earth. ROMANTIC REASONS People did actually ‘fll in love’ - sometimes. Sexual desire wasn’t necessarily a reason for marriage, but it was important part of a successful marriage. Literature taught young women that they could only have a fulfilling life through marriage.

15. Main factors influencing decision to marry. Approval / arrangement of parents Satisfactory economic match - comes with good dowry; possibility for elevation of status Personal factors Romantic considerations. INFLUENCE OF SOCIAL CLASS Upper class - more involvement from families (didn’t want ‘social inferiors’) Many young people only had right of refusal - no actual choice. Middle classes, more choice, lower classes, plenty of choice - didn’t really matter.

16. Illegitimacy and Sex • Prenuptial conception not common after 16th C • Actual illegitimacy (where children were born ‘bastards’ ) was quite low – prob cos’ fear of punishment led women to go away to conceal birth or pretend to be a widow. • Women who had illegitimate children and became dependent on parish social welfare were liable to severe punishment like whipping. • Fathers on the other hand were not often whipped, but more often made to pay maintenance – cos’ it was hard to prove their guilt.

17. Conjugal (Married) love • Husband head of family, dominant partner in marriage • Husband defined by William Perkins in 1590 as ‘he that have authority over the wife’, or as Whateley said in 1617 – God’s officer and king in his own house. • Husband’s duties • Provide, protect, exert authority (almost in secret) • Husband and wife were partners, not master and servant. • Love was important –St Thomas Aquinas wrote “ husband and wife ... pledged by bond of mutual affection that cannot be sundered’ • Sex was important – contributed to ‘sweet relationship’, but sex just for lust, even in marriage, was condemned.

18. Conjugal cont.. • Some medical writers said sexual activity was desirable • Galen (renowned physician) said “if this natural seed be over-long kept, in some parties it turns to poison” • See other quotes pp. 66 SG • Evidence in letters that marital love was strong. • Addressing letters to “Mine own sweet hert” prob used to meet convention, but plenty of signs that there was strong affection btw husband and wife • ‘secret things’ in letters re: Lady Lisle, Josselin • Samuel Pepys – renowned adulterer and sometimes wife beater, wrote a lot about his concern for his wife during illness and his cheer when she recovered. • Wills made by men often went past what was required by law to take care of their ‘loving wives’

19. Marriage breakdown • Every marriage has its problems – takes work and compromise • Many marriages find their ‘little hell (Whateley 1617) • Proverb – “to marry in haste is to repent at leisure” – most people followed this but some tried to end unhappy marriages • Annulment • Pre-contract rules, or too close a relationship normal reasons for annulment. Very rare • Separation – chch could order sep on irreconcilable differences (usually stemmed from adultery, cruelty, or continual quarrels) – no divorce, partners not free to remarry. Reinforced by Canon 107 of Church Laws in 1604. • Divorce not allowed until 1698 – Act of Pmt made it legal. In Europe innocent parties in cases of adultery – allowed to remarry BUT not in England. • Until late 19th C, Act of Pmt only way to get divorce

20. Double Standard • Adultery absolutely condemned in case of women, but not always for men = double standard • Many men openly kept mistresses – had kids – provided for them in wills – this declined in 17th C (prob became less acceptable) • Charles II – had 14 ‘bastard’ children – adultery still obviously ok at highest level. • Violence in marriage mare accepted than now. Legally (if not morally) ok for man to beat his wife as if she was disobedient child. • Despite legal ok – still frowned upon by society e.g. if man did it in public, likely to be restrained by others, even prosecuted if deemed excessive. • Were e.g.s of women beating their husbands – publicly ridiculed if they did (charivari – musical torture !!) • Double standard existed at highest level of violence – men hanged, women convicted of petit treason – burned at stake !

21. Desertion • Very common for men to leave wives and families and not return – 8.5% of married women in Norwich in 1570 deserted. • Deserted wives received parish charity – and if husband didn’t return after 7 yrs was presumed dead – widow now free to remarry. • Problem got serious enough that law in 1604 allowed death penalty to those found guilty of bigamy • Because of $$$ involved with getting legal church separation - many did it by mutual agreement • Sometimes ‘wife sales’ occurred – like a cattle market – women (often guilty of adultery) led to market on a lead – publicly sold to their lovers. • Not legal and no right to remarry but prob made men feel better !

22. Attitudes to unmarried / widows • Men expected to marry – carry on family name • Woman under more pressure than men to marry = single women ‘not the norm’ – also posed significant sexual risk (open to temptation – could mislead married men) • Despite fact that it was woman’s lot to marry – about ¼ never did • High death rate = lots of re-marriage. • Widows with property had plenty of options for remarriage – often to much younger men • Widows had rep for increased sexual desire “ He who woos a widow must go stiff before” – prob just male fantasy ! • Btw 38 – 50% of widows re-married – often very quickly – poor widows encouraged to remarry quickly if opp. Arose (decrease costs on parish)

23. Attitudes cont.. • 3 times as many widowers remarried • Likely to have property or at least ability to earn $$ - made them a good proposition • They needed a wife – often small businesses didn’t do very well without labour of the wife • About ¼ of all marriages were remarriages for for at least one partner • Clayworth 1688 – 72 married men, 21 of them had been married before, as had 9 of the women