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Reunion: Myth vs Reality

Reunion: Myth vs Reality. Myths…. ANSWERS!!! My mother the Queen of England Happy family finally Parents ecstatic to have me back in their lives My son Steve Jobs Familial community Finally knowing who I am/who they are Unconditional love and acceptance Forgiveness and reconciliation

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Reunion: Myth vs Reality

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  1. Reunion: Myth vs Reality

  2. Myths… • ANSWERS!!! • My mother the Queen of England • Happy family finally • Parents ecstatic to have me back in their lives • My son Steve Jobs • Familial community • Finally knowing who I am/who they are • Unconditional love and acceptance • Forgiveness and reconciliation • Ozzie and Harriet, Happy Days, the Partridge Family, etc.

  3. Fears • My mother the drug addict homeless bag lady • My son the prisoner/addict/derelict/swindler • My a-parents will abandon me • I’ll break my parents’ hearts • S/he’ll be ringing my doorbell at 3:00am • S/he won’t want to know me/will hate me/will never speak to me/will leave town the minute I call/will reject me again

  4. Then Reality… • Tears/overwhelm/ecstasy/agony • Joy and celebration • Genetic sexual attraction • Honeymoon period • Abrupt disappearance • Gradual drawing away • Still talking but…

  5. Now what? • How do we make the most out of our ownlives with this added dimension of reunion? • How do we make the most out of our reunion with all its limitations? • What do we need to give up (ha – this is about adoption, right?) in order to enrich our experience? • What do we need to take on?

  6. Ideas… • Accept limits • Distinguish between how I WANT things to be and how they ARE • Pick up the phone • Find other pathways to love and acceptance

  7. More ideas… • Stay in the present – the past is over and the future isn’t here yet • Abandon efforts to “fix” people or dynamics • Get help, ie, therapy*, counselor*, clergy*, support group, all of the above *But choose with care, seek those with adoption expertise, not adoption issues.

  8. More ideas… • Talk to loved ones about your feelings and needs • Let go of the idea that someone else can make you happy (or unhappy) • Make room for vulnerability – yours, and theirs

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