Have a new teenager by friday by dr kevin leman
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Have A New Teenager by Friday by: Dr. Kevin Leman. FCMS/Teens & In-Betweens March 2012. He/She used to be normal. What happened?. He eats cereal out of a large mixing bowl. Her bedroom looks like a garbage dump...on a good day. If there were an Academy Award for eye-rolling, he’d win.

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Have A New Teenager by Friday by: Dr. Kevin Leman

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Have A New Teenager by Fridayby: Dr. Kevin Leman

FCMS/Teens & In-Betweens

March 2012

He/She used to be normal. What happened?

  • He eats cereal out of a large mixing bowl.

  • Her bedroom looks like a garbage dump...on a good day.

  • If there were an Academy Award for eye-rolling, he’d win.

  • She changes outfits three times before breakfast.


  • You have a tween-ager/teenager in your home!!!

It’s not your Grandma’s World...

  • Today’s children are growing up faster than ever before.

  • Issues: cutting, drugs, depression, suicide, terrorism threats, uncertain economic future, anorexia...peer pressure, hormone changes, homework, life stresses, worry about getting into college...

If you want to have a new teenager by Friday, the rules must change - with NO warning...

  • p. 29 - Dr. Leman...


  • Points to consider...

  • Decide: total reconstruction, partial replacement, or a little paint job

  • Identify your parenting style: “Whatever you want, dear”...”It’s my way or the highway”...or “Equal but different roles”

  • Develop a game plan.

How can I help my tweenager/teenager?

  • What kind of construction work do you need?

  • Total reconstruction - Your teenager is telling you where to go and what he/she is going to do...

  • Partial replacement - Your kid has turned lazy - “forgets” to do his/her chores...

  • Paint job - Your kid is getting mouthy - becoming a Mister/Miss “Know-it-all.”

Act - Don’t React

  • Respect begins from the earliest of stages and builds up over years of relationship together.

  • Battle of the wills - 18 months and up

  • Pick your battles so that you don’t react but act.

  • Reacting takes you out of the driver’s seat & flings you onto a moment by moment roller coaster.

  • Acting allows you to sit back, relax, say things ONCE and HOLD FIRM, and remain calmly in control - letting the chips fall where they may.

So when your two-year old spouted off, how did you respond?

  • You said, “Oh Johnny, you shouldn’t talk that way - it’s not nice...I’m going to give you one more chance to be nice.”

  • Or - “Young man, you’ve just earned yourself a time-out. Get in the corner for the rest of the morning!”

  • Or - You turned, walked into another room, and ignored him. Later, when he wanted to play with his favorite toy, you said, “No, you can’t play with that toy today. I don’t like the way you talked to me.” (No amount of pleading changed your mind either.)

Which scene played out over and over in your house?

  • Your child didn’t morph overnight into this alien teenage creature...guess where he had help from?

  • How we’ve acted as parents and how we’ve run our homes has everything to do with the person our teenagers are now!

What kind of parent are you?

  • Whatever you want, dear...” (Permissive)

  • Anything goes...few guidelines/boundaries...no one feels safe

  • These parents want their kids to be happy...Per Dr. Leman, ”An unhappy teenager is a healthy teenager.”

  • When was the last time in your life your were happy 24/7?

  • Life -curveballs...reality

  • Teenagers don’t need another friend...they need a parent...

Patterns are ingrained after many years...work hard to combat them...

  • Change starts with you and your own willingness to turn things around.

  • RELATIONSHIP is key...

  • Respect is a two-way street...

  • Watch your own “tude.”

  • Disciple - not discipline...car keys

My Way or the Highway - Authoritarian

  • “Do what I say because you have to, and I won’t have it any other way.”

  • This will be met with outright rebellion...

  • These parents often come from strict, traditional roots ...were not allowed to have a say in their own homes when they were growing up.

  • May possibly need to control others to feel good about themselves.

  • Often authoritarian parents struggle with anger issues - their families tend to walk a tightrope, hoping not to upset Dad/Mom.

  • Home -encouragement...

  • Authoritarian - do not need just a paint job - they need some “foundational work!”

  • Must completely change the way they think and act toward their teenagers...don’t try to control - encourage and partner.

Either extreme - permissive or authoritarian is dangerous...

  • If you’re a “whatever” parent - begin by respecting yourself enough to stand up for yourself - say NO and stick to it.

  • “My way or highway...” realize that you are not better than your child - you have a different role - think before you speak - encourage/nurture...

Hot topics...Angry teen

  • p. 128 - Jason

  • Don’t let his/her anger build up...

  • Balloon - breaths of air

  • Let him/her talk - (We need to keep our mouths shut - just listen!)

  • Empower...

Doesn’t fit in with peers...

  • p. 174 - Jimmy

Slamming doors...

  • p. 176 -

It’s all about relationships...

  • Live...laugh...love...

  • Your teenager will eventually grow up to be someone in whom you can have a deep, meaningful conversation with...

  • Hang in there!

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