Engaging and Partnering with Families: The Importance of Effective Communication

1. Engaging and Partnering with Families: The Importance of Effective Communication

2. Communication1 • The key to engaging families is to develop positive communication strategies and a focus on the well-being of the child. • If we want to encourage partnerships, we must value open and honestcommunication. • We need to listen for the truths behind the words.2

3. Three Valued Skills 1, 3 • Active listening • Verbal and nonverbal feedback • “I” messages

4. Active listening 1, 3 • Facial Expressions • Should reflect emotional content of what is being said: smiling, frowning, etc. • Body Language • Nodding head can indicate affirmation • Leaning towards speaker can convey attention • Maintaining an open body position can suggest an open mind

5. Cultural Competence 5 • Before anything else: respect • It is important to keep in mind the speaker’s cultural back-ground. • Personal space requirements and appropriate eye contact vary in different cultures.

6. Verbal • Verbal feedback such as “Yes” and “I understand” can convey understanding and acceptance of other’s feelings. 1,3 • Restating the words of the speaker words help the speaker to feel understood and affirmed. 1,3 • Asking open ended questions may bring important information or new understanding.2

7. I-Message1, 3 • “When…” (State the unacceptable behaviors) • “I feel…”(Express feelings about the behavior) • “Because…”(Describe the effect of the behavior) • Avoid using YOU • A YOU message can escalate conflict. These messages usually blame, accuse , threaten, order, put down or make the other person feel guilty.

8. I-Messages 1, 3 • An I-message can reduce conflict. • An I-message can increase dialogue and lead to better understanding. • I-messages show that a person takes responsibility for his or her thoughts and feelings. • An I-message states the impact of someone's behavior upon the speaker, but leaves responsibility for changing the behavior with the person being spoken to.

9. I-messages communicate: 1,3 I trust you to care about my feelings and to decide what change in behavior is necessary.

10. Emotional Coaching: a 5-step technique for identifying feelings and solving problems 4 • Be aware of emotions. • Recognize emotional expression as an opportunity for understanding and learning. • Listen empathetically and validate feelings. • Label emotions in words so they can be discussed. • Help families discover appropriate ways to solve problems or deal with upsetting situations.

11. Eight Tips for Communicating With Families • Take time to develop lasting relationships with families. • Focus on your shared interest in the well-being of the child. • Be proactive with information. • Try to understand and focus on the family member’s perspective. • In a difficult situation, take time to reflect and talk it through with a colleague before responding. • Use the principles of active listening and respectful communication. • Give families the benefit of the doubt. • Remember that families can be strong partners in helping children grow up healthy and ready to learn!

12. References • Gordon T. Parent Effectiveness Training. New York: Three Rivers Press; 2000. • Lawrence-Lightfoot, S. The Essential Conversation: What Parents and Teachers Can Learn from Each Other. New York: Ballentine Books; 2003. • Webster-Stratton C. How to Promote Children's Social and Emotional Competence. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications Inc.; 1999. • Gottman J. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York: Fireside Press; 1997. • Gonzalez-Mena, J. Multicultural Issues in Child Care. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing; 2001.