The Rockin’ Rules of the Eleventh District Court. By Judge Mark Davidson. 1. The Jagger Doctrine of Discovery. “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.”. Here is what Mick is telling us:.
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The Rockin’Rules of the Eleventh District Court
By Judge Mark Davidson
Here is what Mick is telling us:
Why can’t you see…
What you’re doing to me….
When you don’t believe a word I say?
Elvis Presley – Suspicious Minds
Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back no more…
“That’ll be the day, when you say goodbye!”
“I got you babe.”
Mary Chapin Carpenter
If you lack the patience to wait your turn to be a windshield, remember:
Hey, Life Goes On…
Every rose has its thorn.
Wake up, Little Susie! Wake up!
Ignoring this rule will force me to ask:
7a. Chicago’s Interrogatory Concerning Punctuality
Does anybody know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
9. Brooks’s Alternative to Precipitous Advocacy
NEVER ask for something you are not absolutely, positively certain that you really want!
Following this rule will result in you thanking:
“Just because he doesn’t answer, doesn’t mean that he’s not listening.”
Have you never been mellow?
Have you ever tried to find
a comfort from inside you?
Yakkity Yak. Yakkity Yak. Don’t talk back!
“What part of NO is it that you don’t understand?”
Don’t let me down!
14. No Doubt’s Warning Against Excessive Advocacy.
I know just what you’re saying.
I know just what you’re thinking.
Don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts. (you)
Put another way…
When the Judge is about to rule for you,
nothing you say can possibly help!
16. Wilson’s rule of Courthouse Staff Relations.
Help me Rhonda!
Treat the Court’s staff with the respect that, as professionals, they deserve. If you do, they will help you when you need help.
If you are inclined to do otherwise, please consider:
Anything you want, you got it,
Anything you need, you got it,
Anything at all, you got it….
Roy Orbison – You got it
18. Milli Vanilli’s Responsibility Avoidance Technique
Blame it on the rain.
Blame it on the stars.
Whatever you do,
Don’t put the blame on you!
I fought the law…
And the law won.
Following this rule will help you avoid :
19a. THE LOVIN’ SPOONFUL’S DILEMMA ON ELECTION OF REMEDIES
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Pick up on one and leave the other behind.
It’s not often easy, and not often kind.
Did you ever have to make up your mind?
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you.
Sting and the Police
Every Breath you Take
Every Jury’s Crazy about a sharp dressed lawyer.
Tell it like it is…
I’m not someone to play with.
23. Franklin’s Doctrine of Jury Relations
R E S P E C T
Here’s what Aretha and every jury is telling you:
What you want, Baby I’ve got it.
What you need, Baby I have it.
All I’m asking for is a little respect from you.
PUT ANOTHER WAY:
Why do you build me up (Buttercup Baby)
Just to let me down?
25. Crosby’s Alternative to Forum Shopping
If you can’t be with the judge you love…
Love the one you’re with.
What goes around comes around.
27. Simon’s Rule of Emergency Bench-Bar Relations
When you’re down and out. Feeling small. When tears get in your eyes, I will dry them all.
Bridge Over Troubled Waters
28. Hall & Oates’s Ruling on Excessive Attorney’s Fees
Ready. Willing. Overtime. Where does it stop, where do you dare me to draw the line?
Well, I can’t go for that! (no can do)
I heard it through the grapevine…
…and someday, you’re going to be mine….
…and you’re just about to lose your case….
There is more wisdom to be found in the songs of Marvin Gaye. If you say real ugly things about me to the newspaper (questioning my integrity, for example), and make my mother cry, when you next have a case, expect me to say….
Let’s get it on!
Hit me with your best shot!
31. The Outsiders’s Ruling on the Length of Voir Dire
I can’t wait forever, even though you want me to.
I can’t wait forever, just to know if you’ll be true.
Time won’t let me, oh no.
Time won’t let me wait that long.
If you think you can really win a case with a great voir dire and very little evidence…
You have forgotten the lesson taught to us by the Mamas and the Papas:
No matter how good your voir dire is, you still have to have evidence!
Most juries forget the voir dire by the time they deliberate.
Promises to prove something made in voir dire notkept kill your case.
Monday mornin’, so good to me
Monday mornin’, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday Mornin’, Monday Mornin’ couldn’t guarantee,
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
33. Manchester’s Anti-lacrimony advisory
Don’t cry out loud.
Takin’ care of business, everyday
Takin’ care of business, in every way….
Warren Zevon - Lawyers, Guns and Money
36. Blondie’s Sanctions Avoidance Technique
One way or another, I’m gonna find ya’. I’m gonna get ya’, get ya, get ya, get ya….
One thing leads to another
You told me something wrong, I know I listen too long,
But then one thing leads to another.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance.
-Lee Ann Womack
I hope you dance
40. Burdon’s Judicial Plea for Forgiveness
I’m just a soul whose intentions are good.
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood
Eric Burdon and the Animals