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Marrying. Finding a Life Partner. What qualities do people look for in a marriage partner?. Good companion Considerate Honest Affectionate Dependable Intelligent Kind Understanding Interesting to talk to Loyal. What are the steps to take to marriage?. Cohabitation. Many think

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marrying

Marrying

Finding a Life Partner

what qualities do people look for in a marriage partner
What qualities do people look for in a marriage partner?
  • Good companion
  • Considerate
  • Honest
  • Affectionate
  • Dependable
  • Intelligent
  • Kind
  • Understanding
  • Interesting to talk to
  • Loyal
cohabitation
Cohabitation
  • Many think
    • Common sense
    • Trains people for marriage
  • Studies have shown that it does not improve chances of finding a compatible mate
  • Communication no cohabitation is a key way to discover whether you are ready for marriage
on loose leaf
On Loose-Leaf
  • What advice would you give to the couple?
  • Which of the things to communicate about before marriage applies?
  • Why do you think it is important or not important to talk about this?
  • Put the number for the scenario on your paper.
happy marriages start with
Happy Marriages Start with…
  • Having good self image
  • Good communication skills
  • Wanting to “be” married not just “get” married
10 steps to a happy marriage
10 Steps to a Happy Marriage
  • Strong commitment to the married lifestyle and fidelity
  • Good problem solving skills: there will be problems
  • Mutual trust, respect and honesty
  • Having fun together, really enjoying each other
10 steps continued
10 Steps Continued
  • Sharing similar backgrounds: social, economic, religious, values, ethnicity?
  • Sharing a belief in the meaning of life and the value of life
  • Respecting each other as individuals with their own space, but shared activities show both interests
10 steps continued1
10 Steps Continued
  • Sharing a love of children, but their love for each other was the reason to stay together not the children only
  • Appreciating each other. High level of forgiveness and acceptance
  • Not living in the past, stop blaming others, don’t focus on past grievances.
romantic notions unrealistic expectations
Romantic Notions: Unrealistic expectations
  • Being “in love” is sufficient reason to marry.
  • Looking for Mr. Perfect
  • “We’ll work that out when married” or “He’ll change.”
  • I know the right person when I “feel” it.
  • Choosing should be easy. It is fate or destiny
  • “We’ll live happily ever after”
sharing life with a loving companion
Sharing Life with a Loving Companion
  • Deep friendship for life
creating new life
Creating New Life
  • Most obvious way is through children
  • Participate in creation with God, the source of all human life
strengthening individual identities
Strengthening Individual Identities
  • Strengthens, does not merge or repress
  • Nourish each others particular gifts
  • Strengthens roots of identity
calling forth the best in each person
Calling forth the Best in Each Person
  • Can put aside masks and honestly be themselves
  • Reveling this true self is liberating
  • The give-and-take of marriage constantly calls forth gifts and personality traits that renew the partners
  • Through their relationship they discover they best and truest selves
enabling a couple to reach out
Enabling a Couple to Reach Out
  • Freed by their love to reach out to others
  • “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery
supporting the journey of faith
Supporting the Journey of Faith
  • Means of support for their journey in faith
  • Journey in faith cannot be traveled alone
  • Supported and nurtured by community
  • Ritual of the sacrament of marriage is intended to be a community celebration, not a private event
marriage as a covenant of love
Marriage as a Covenant of Love
  • Mirrors the covenant between God and God’s people
  • What is a covenant?
    • Deeply personal, solemn promise made between persons
    • Pledge of faithful love
    • Requires maturity, realism, and preparation
  • How is this possible?
    • God’s grace given in the sacrament
a symbol of god s faithful love
A Symbol of God’s Faithful Love
  • God’s faithful love for people
  • Two persons freely give their love to each other “in good times and in bad”
  • Symbolizes the love of Christ for the church
  • The God who is love is made visible in the love of the couple
  • The sacrament of marriage is living out life together
what god has joined together
“What God has Joined Together..”
  • Permanence of marriage
    • “the two shall become one flesh”
    • Necessary for the good of society
    • When marriages end society suffers from instability
    • Broken marriages cause emotional, financial, spiritual and interpersonal pain
taking vows offering own integrity
Taking Vows: Offering Own Integrity
  • Marriage vows are the formal way that the couple make their covenant to each other
  • Solemn promise
  • We commit our entire being to it
  • We offer our own integrity
the validity of the vows
The Validity of the Vows
  • Must be given freely and knowledgeably in order to be valid, or true or binding
  • Freedom from pressures
    • Many pressures can weaken a person’s ability to consent freely to marriage, thus making the vows invalid
  • Knowledge and willingness
    • Must know what marriage promises mean
    • Must know about the other person too
if vows are not taken freely and knowledgeably
If vows are not taken freely and knowledgeably…
  • Annulment: marriage vows were invalid from the beginning
  • Says marriage was never a valid sacrament
  • At the time of the wedding sacrament one or both persons were not able to make a valid vow
different from
Different from…
  • Divorce: dissolves the legal contract of marriage
engagement
Engagement
  • Beginning a relationship of mutual commitment
  • Implies involvement or activity
  • Trust needs to be deepened
  • Mutual self-disclosure
  • Should last for months
  • Time of trial
marriage preparation
Marriage Preparation
  • Intended to help a couple get ready for the serious and deep commitment of marriage
  • To realize marriage is a sacrament in union with the whole church
  • Designed to assist couples in fulfilling their mutual commitment
  • Often involves courses and meeting with a counselor
the wedding celebration
The Wedding Celebration
  • Joyful celebrations
  • Anticipates with hope a love that will endure the test of time
  • Shows love of couple as well as God’s love to community
  • Community serves as witness
  • Highlights the public commitment of the couple
the rite of marriage
The Rite of Marriage
  • Usually takes place within the Mass
  • Following Liturgy of the Word
  • 3 Questions the Priest asks
    • Have you come here freely?
    • Will you love and honor each other everyday for the rest of your lives?
    • Will you accept children lovingly from God?
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Vows
  • I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and health, I will love and honor you all the days of my life.
  • Tells all who are present that these two persons have a goal of permanent commitment to foster each other’s good and thus the good of society as a whole.
  • Time of hope and optimism for all
  • Helps couple to realize the support of the community