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Attraction & Close Relationships: Lecture #10 topics . The initial attraction familiarity, physical attraction, mate selection Close relationships types of relationships, types of love (bleh). The initial attraction . BUILDING FAMILIARITY the _______ effect

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Attraction & Close Relationships:Lecture #10 topics

  • The initial attraction

    • familiarity, physical attraction, mate selection

  • Close relationships

    • types of relationships, types of love (bleh)


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The initial attraction

BUILDING FAMILIARITY

  • the _______ effect

    • we’re more likely to befriend, date, & marry people who live close to us

  • the _______ _______ effect

    • the more often we’re exposed to something, the more _______ we evaluate it

    • occurs with novel stimuli (e.g., foreign words, faces)


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The initial attraction

PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

The Dove Campaign for Beauty


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The initial attraction

PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

  • we’re biased toward the beautiful:

    • attractive students are perceived to be smarter & more likely to succeed in school

    • Texan judges give lower fines to attractive criminals

    • beautiful people get paid higher wages


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The initial attraction

WHAT IS “BEAUTY”?


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The initial attraction

WHAT IS “BEAUTY”?


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The initial attraction

WHAT IS “BEAUTY”?


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The initial attraction

IS BEAUTY OBJECTIVE?

  • high _______ _______ on ratings of attractiveness:

    • universally, men prefer “_______” physique in women; women prefer _______ men with “_______” shape

  • _______ is beautiful:

    • _______ faces are attractive because they’re _______

    • we seek facial _______ (sign of fitness & fertility)


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The real Shannen

The initial attraction

Shannen Doherty: An example of facial symmetry

Shannen, digitally enhanced




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The initial attraction

IS BEAUTY OBJECTIVE?

  • babies prefer _______ faces:

    • stare _______ at faces rated by adults as being attractive


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The initial attraction

IS BEAUTY SUBJECTIVE?

  • _______ _______ in body adornment:

    • scarification, piercing, tooth filing, tattooing are not practised universally

  • we have different _______ body sizes:

    • where food is scarce, _______ women are more attractive

  • beauty _______ change over time:

    • models today are _______ than before


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Eva Herzigova, 2001

35-23-35 (5’11”)

The initial attraction

Marilyn Monroe, 1953

35-22-35 (5’5”)


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The initial attraction

IS BEAUTY SUBJECTIVE?

  • judgments of beauty change with the _______:

    • people become more beautiful if we _______ them

    • men see their wives as _______ attractive after viewing _______ models

    • we feel less attractive after viewing models


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The initial attraction

WHY ARE WE BLINDED BY BEAUTY?

  • beautiful people are _______ pleasing

  • ______________ stereotype

    • the belief that attractive people also have other _______ qualities

    • attractive people do have more friends & better social skills but don’t score higher on _______ tests of intelligence, personality, or self-esteem


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The initial attraction

we like others who like us:

  • _______

    • when someone likes us, we’ll tend to like them back

    • sometimes, we like people more if we have to _______ their affection

      we like people who are “_______”:

  • social _______

    • e.g., “The Rules”: men are more charmed by hard-to-get women


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The initial attraction

_______

  • when your parents forbid you to date Bill, you _______ your freedom to date who you want

  • consequence: you want to date Bill even more


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The initial attraction

MATE SELECTION

Buss (2003):

  • women seek _______, _______ stable men

    • women are _______ in # of offspring they can have; thus, they seek men with _______ to support their offspring

  • men seek _______, _______, _______ women

    • although sperm is cheap, men are restricted by their ability to attract fertile partners & to ensure _______ of offspring


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Marriage #1

Marriage #2

Marriage #3

Age difference:

3 years

Age difference:

17 years

Age difference:

28 years

The initial attraction


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Close relationships

ATTACHMENT STYLES

  • _______ attached babies

    • _______ when Mom leaves; _______ when she returns

  • _______ attached babies

    • _______: cry when Mom leaves; mad when she returns

    • _______: no reaction when Mom leaves/ returns

  • _______ attachment styles influence our _______ romantic attachment styles


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Close relationships

Description

Attachment Style

% of population

I find it relatively easy to get close to others & am comfortable depending on them & having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about getting abandoned/ about someone getting to close to me.


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Close relationships

Description

Attachment Style

% of population

I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely & to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, & often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.


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Close relationships

Description

Attachment Style

% of population

I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me/ won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, & this desire sometimes scares people away.


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Close relationships

SECURE

AVOIDANT

ANXIOUS


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Close relationships

LEE (1988): Different love styles

  • _______ love styles

    • _______(erotic love)

    • _______(game-playing, uncommitted love)

    • _______(friendship love)

  • _______ love styles

    • _______(demanding, possessive love)

    • _______(practical love)

    • _______(other-oriented, altruistic love)


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Close relationships

STERNBERG (1986): Triangular theory of love

3 components to love:

  • _______

    • _______ component; liking & feelings of closeness

  • _______

    • _______ component; attraction, romance, sexual desire

  • _______

    • _______ component; decision to commit to long-term partner


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INTIMACY

Liking

(intimacy alone)

Romantic Love

(intimacy + passion)

Companionate Love

(intimacy + commitment)

CONSUMMATE LOVE

(intimacy + passion + commitment)

PASSION

COMMITMENT

Infatuation

(passion alone)

Empty Love

(commitment alone)

Fatuous Love

(passion + commitment)

Close relationships


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Close relationships

HATFIELD (1988)

_______ love:

  • intensely _______; complete absorption in one’s partner

  • according to Schachter’s ______________, passionate love requires:

    • _______ arousal

    • belief that _______ triggered this arousal

    • e.g., Dutton & Aron’s (1974) “Capilano bridge” study


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Close relationships

HATFIELD (1988)

companionate love:

  • less intense

  • more _______

  • _______, longer lasting

  • built on _______, caring, & long-term _______

  • _______ over time


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