Dealing with the Difficult Boss Shifting to Successful Interactions June 18, 2008 www.Corporate-Wisdom.com. Rossella Derickson 408 605 3021 [email protected] Krista Henley 831 239 9192 [email protected] Rossella Derickson & Krista Henley, M.A.,
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Adopting a global perspective about being human. "I am that, I am. Acknowledge to yourself that all difficult behaviors are inside of you!
The not so golden rule - "you do unto others what was done unto you."
Unhook the power struggle. Find compassion for the place where you are wounded / your boss is wounded.
If you can, find a way to make your boss successful in spite of his or her difficult behavior and you will make yourself successful, too.
Difficult bosses are a threat to your job security.
Difficult bosses cause conflict throughout the organization.
Being upset and angry adds stress to the workplace.
What is stimulated in us by a difficult boss and his or her behavior is the "gift" that we can take away from an otherwise upsetting experience. The gift is the insight into the "unhealed" places in us that are triggered by difficult behavior - especially from an authority!Anger and Compassion for the Boss
Dyad: What difficulties do you have with your boss?
May be tense in boss’s presence
May not be open to coaching or direction from the boss
Problems dealing comfortably with authority
Poor boss relationship gets in the way of personal productivity
Responds and relates
well to bosses
Would work harder for a good boss
Is open to learning from bosses who are good coaches and who provide latitude
Likes to learn from those who have been there before
Easy to challenge and develop, comfortably coach-ableUnskilledSkilled At Boss Relationships
Identify one or two beliefs that
are getting in the way of your performance and are root causes
for your development areas:
Can You Identify a Negative Belief?
I can’t trust anyone to get it done.
I’m stuck cleaning things up.
I don’t belong.
It’s a struggle to get things done.
No matter what I do it’s always wrong.
Cross Stimulating Beliefs
We have the most trouble with bosses whose beliefs are opposite of our own, cross stimulating the upset that is unresolved in BOTH of us.
Positive Belief Systems: We have
learned through our experiences to believe
in positive outcomes.
Negative Belief Systems: Learned
patterns of defensive reasoning whose
purpose is to help us defend against painful
experiences and loss of control.
Performance, whether peak or poor, is
linked to belief systems. When working
to improve behavior, understanding
negative beliefs is core to your ability to
make lasting change and performance
ReactionPositive and Negative Beliefs
Managers are typically hired for their technical competence and then
“rewarded” with managerial responsibilities.
Let's begin with YOUR Boss:
Boss Work Style?
Your Work Style?
Dyad: Are your styles aligned?
The Insecure Bully
- Puts you down
- Picks on you in front of others
The Bull Dozer
- Runs over you
- Does not consider
you in decisions
The Manipulative Back
- Takes your ideas
- Makes him/herself look good at your expense
The Raging Maniac
- Uses rage to intimidate
- Makes environment
fearful / painful
The Conflict Avoider
- Makes bad behavior ok
- Refuses to address the team dynamics
- Exploits your
- Cannot be trusted
The Micro Manager
- Demands details that are irrelevant
- Does not trust you / your work
- Keeps important
- Does not recognize or
The Control Freak
- My way or the highway
The Super Agreeable
- Of course, yes
- Poor follow up and follow
The Data Collector
- Always needs more data
- Slow decision maker
Other - What Else?
Triad: Discuss the way you
cope currently with a difficult
boss. Brainstorm new
strategies for more
Let's explore ways to be more successful in your interactions with
Identify one issue with your boss that, if resolved, will make your work
Evaluate your boss and evaluate yourself - what might be your triggers
and what might be your boss's triggers?
Explore your difficult boss dynamics to find successful interaction -
alternatives. Consider a few possibilities and jot them down:
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