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Dealing with the Difficult Boss Shifting to Successful Interactions June 18, 2008 www.Corporate-Wisdom.com. Rossella Derickson 408 605 3021 [email protected] Krista Henley 831 239 9192 [email protected] Rossella Derickson & Krista Henley, M.A.,

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slide1

Dealing with the Difficult Boss

Shifting to Successful Interactions

June 18, 2008

www.Corporate-Wisdom.com

Rossella Derickson 408 605 [email protected]

Krista Henley 831 239 9192

[email protected]

slide2
Rossella Derickson & Krista Henley, M.A.,

LMFT, principals of www.Corporate-

Wisdom.com,have translated their business

and organizational psychology experience

into Wisdom in the Workplace, consulting,

training and coaching modules that support

healthy group and company dynamics. Their

classes to build business and leadership

skills have been taught to CEO\'s, executives,

and entrepreneurs in High Tech, Biotech,

Insurance, and many other industries

including leading universities.

Connecting CSR to individual, team and

organizational purpose at work is a new and

passionate focus area. They are the authors

of Awakening Social Responsibility - A

Call to Action. Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/1600050654

Book Web Site: www.CSRAction.com

Rossella and Krista are the Directors of the

South Bay Organizational Development

Network, www.SBODN.com, a leading edge

forum focused on making a difference in how

organizations are run in Silicon Valley.

anger and compassion for the boss
Compassion:

Adopting a global perspective about being human. "I am that, I am. Acknowledge to yourself that all difficult behaviors are inside of you!

The not so golden rule - "you do unto others what was done unto you."

Unhook the power struggle. Find compassion for the place where you are wounded / your boss is wounded.

If you can, find a way to make your boss successful in spite of his or her difficult behavior and you will make yourself successful, too.

Anger:

Difficult bosses are a threat to your job security.

Difficult bosses cause conflict throughout the organization.

Being upset and angry adds stress to the workplace.

What is stimulated in us by a difficult boss and his or her behavior is the "gift" that we can take away from an otherwise upsetting experience. The gift is the insight into the "unhealed" places in us that are triggered by difficult behavior - especially from an authority!

Anger and Compassion for the Boss
difficult boss relationships
Difficult Boss Relationships
  • Boss doesn’t think you are as good as you think you are
  • You think the boss has the job you should
  • Large gap in skills leading to undervaluing/not respecting the other (either direction)
  • Mismatches in ethics, values and integrity
  • Mismatches in management practices
  • Mismatches in style, philosophy, pace and motivation
  • Poor communication – in both directions

Dyad: What difficulties do you have with your boss?

unskilled skilled at boss relationships
Not comfortable with bosses

May be tense in boss’s presence

May not be open to coaching or direction from the boss

Problems dealing comfortably with authority

Poor boss relationship gets in the way of personal productivity

Responds and relates

well to bosses

Would work harder for a good boss

Is open to learning from bosses who are good coaches and who provide latitude

Likes to learn from those who have been there before

Easy to challenge and develop, comfortably coach-able

UnskilledSkilled At Boss Relationships
positive and negative beliefs
Negative Belief Systems

Identify one or two beliefs that

are getting in the way of your performance and are root causes

for your development areas:

Can You Identify a Negative Belief?

I can’t trust anyone to get it done.

I’m stuck cleaning things up.

I don’t belong.

It’s a struggle to get things done.

No matter what I do it’s always wrong.

Cross Stimulating Beliefs

We have the most trouble with bosses whose beliefs are opposite of our own, cross stimulating the upset that is unresolved in BOTH of us.

Positive Belief Systems: We have

learned through our experiences to believe

in positive outcomes.

Negative Belief Systems: Learned

patterns of defensive reasoning whose

purpose is to help us defend against painful

experiences and loss of control.

Performance, whether peak or poor, is

linked to belief systems. When working

to improve behavior, understanding

negative beliefs is core to your ability to

make lasting change and performance

improvement.

Trigger

Limiting

Belief

Learned Defense

Reaction

Positive and Negative Beliefs
successful interactions getting started
Successful Interactions - Getting Started

Managers are typically hired for their technical competence and then

“rewarded” with managerial responsibilities.

Let\'s begin with YOUR Boss:

  • What works well?
  • What doesn’t work?
  • What keeps you awake at night?
  • What keeps your boss awake at night?
  • What sets your boss off? What are your boss’s hot buttons?
  • What does your boss do when a hot button is triggered?
  • What sets you off? What are your hot buttons?
  • What do you do when a hot button is triggered?
successful interactions your boss and you circle both sides
Successful Interactions Your Boss and YOU - Circle Both Sides

Boss Work Style?

  • Formal or informal?
  • Briefed in writing or brainstorming?
  • Energized or annoyed by sidebars?
  • Hands on or regular, informal updates?
  • Energized or avoids conflict?
  • Decisive or open-ended?

Your Work Style?

  • Formal or informal?
  • Briefed in writing or brainstorming?
  • Energized or annoyed by sidebars?
  • Hands on or regular, informal updates?
  • Energized or avoids conflict?
  • Decisive or open-ended?

Dyad: Are your styles aligned?

developing successful strategies to deal with difficult bosses people
Developing Successful StrategiesTo Deal with Difficult Bosses / People

The Insecure Bully

- Puts you down

- Picks on you in front of others

_________________?

The Bull Dozer

- Runs over you

- Does not consider

you in decisions

________________?

The Manipulative Back

Stabber

- Takes your ideas

- Makes him/herself look good at your expense

________________?

The Raging Maniac

- Uses rage to intimidate

- Makes environment

fearful / painful

__________________?

developing successful strategies to deal with difficult bosses people10
Developing Successful StrategiesTo Deal with Difficult Bosses / People

The Conflict Avoider

- Makes bad behavior ok

- Refuses to address the team dynamics

_________________?

The Gossip

- Exploits your

vulnerabilities

- Cannot be trusted

_________________?

The Micro Manager

- Demands details that are irrelevant

- Does not trust you / your work

________________?

The Withholder

- Keeps important

information hidden

- Does not recognize or

reward easily

__________________?

developing successful strategies to deal with difficult bosses people11
Developing Successful StrategiesTo Deal with Difficult Bosses / People

The Control Freak

- My way or the highway

- Critical

__________________?

The Super Agreeable

- Of course, yes

- Poor follow up and follow

through

___________________?

The Data Collector

- Always needs more data

- Slow decision maker

_________________?

Other - What Else?

___________________?

Triad: Discuss the way you

cope currently with a difficult

boss. Brainstorm new

strategies for more

successful interactions.

successful interactions coaching
Successful Interactions - Coaching

Let\'s explore ways to be more successful in your interactions with

your boss.

Identify one issue with your boss that, if resolved, will make your work

life better.

________________________________________________________

Evaluate your boss and evaluate yourself - what might be your triggers

and what might be your boss\'s triggers?

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Explore your difficult boss dynamics to find successful interaction -

alternatives. Consider a few possibilities and jot them down:

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

bring wisdom to your workplace
Bring Wisdom to Your Workplace

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