Self Assertion Workshop

1. Self Assertion Workshop Your presenters: Andrea and Liz

2. Assertion • Is standing up for oneself in a way that does not violate the basic rights of another person. It is a direct, honest, and appropriate expression of one’s feelings and opinions.

3. An example • A person is behaving assertively when they stand up for themselves and expresses their true feelings while not letting others take advantage of them. • At the same time they are considerate of other people’s feelings. • If you are assertive you can act in your own interest and not feel guilty about it.

4. The Key to Understanding Non Assertive Assertive Aggressive (Passive)

5. Non Assertive or Passive Push over Humble Weak Shy Doormat Doesn’t care Stupid Whimp Loser Timid

6. Assertive Strong Intelligent Diplomatic Together Aggressive Inspiring Arrogant In Control Sharp Decisive Confident

7. Aggressive Bitch Scary Mean Intimidating Strong Powerful Bully Jerk Pushy Controlling

8. Definitions • Non assertion- failing to stand up for oneself, or standing up for oneself in such an ineffective manner that one’s rights are easily violated. • Aggression- standing up for oneself in such a way that the rights of the other person are violated in the process. It is an attempt to humiliate or put down the other person.

9. How do you practice Assertion? • Assertion is a right not an obligation. Whenever you are involved in a situation in which you could be assertive, you face a choice: assert, pullback, or be aggressive. • When practicing Assertion skills recognize the behavioural components and the attitudinal and cognitive components.

10. Assertion Skills- Behavioural • Eye contact – this tool engages your listener • Body language- effective body posture, use of gestures, and facial expressions are all key in communicating messages. • Tone of voice- keep it consistent and considerate You achieve much more without yelling!

11. Assertion Skills- Attitudinal and Cognitive • Self inquire- it is important to look inwards to identify feelings and thoughts before being assertive (evaluate) • Use “I” statements- these minimize defensiveness and reduce the likelihood of escalating negative feelings • Be goal directed- it is important to know the goal before becoming assertive. Do not attempt to achieve multiple goals.

12. Attitudinal and Cognitive continued • Assert yourself without long delays- it is best for a person to assert as soon as he or she is aware of both desire and goal. The longer a person delays, the more likely she or he is not going to respond or become angry and frustrated. • Be persistent- many times it is necessary to restate and understand what is being communicated.

13. Rights and Responsibilities • You have the right to put yourself first sometimes • You have the right to make mistakes • You have the right to be the final judge of your feelings and accept them • You have the right to your own opinions • You have the right to change your mind • You have the right to protest unfair treatment

14. Continued: • You have the right to ask for clarification • You have the right to negotiate for change • You have the right to ask for help or emotional support • You have the right to express and feel pain and hurt • You have the right to ask for advice • You have the right to receive recognition of your achievements

15. Hidden Beliefs Which Influence Behaviours goal Desired image Self View

16. Mistaken Traditional Assumptions and Cultural Messages • It is selfish to put your needs before others • It is shameful to make mistakes. You should have an appropriate response for every occasion • If you can’t convince others that you feelings are reasonable, then your feelings must be wrong, or maybe you are going crazy!

17. Continued • You should respect the view of others especially if they are in positions of authority. Keep your differences to your self and listen to learn • You should always be consistent • It’s not polite to question others • You should never interrupt asking questions reveals stupidity, don’t rock the boat!

18. Continued • You shouldn’t take up other people’s time with your worries and problems • People don’t want to hear that you feel bad so keep it to yourself • Take all the advice you are given • People don’t like show offs, be modest.

19. Tips and Techniques • Take your time when you are learning assertiveness • Practice in small ways • Remember: eye contact, tone, body language. • Be clear and use “I” statements • Breathe, sometimes relaxation techniques work • Take a break after you have been assertive to recollect your thoughts and ask yourself “did I clearly communicate my needs?”

20. Assertive Response Sequence • (1) activating event “What happened” • (2) look inside to identify feelings and thoughts • (3) identify goals in order to “act” instead of “react” • (4) achieve one goal at a time

21. Your turn! • Think of 2 situations in which you have been unable to be assertive but would like to be. • Specify your goals • What were the imagined consequences of being assertive in each situation?

22. Resources for Later: • www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc • “Your Perfect Right” R. Alberte and M Emmons, Impact Publisher 1970.