Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing
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Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing

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Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.. OSPI Writing Instructional Support Materials Core Development Team. Nikki Elliott-Schuman
Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing

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1. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration: Strategic Teaching To Improve Student Writing Part 2: Lessons 2 - 4 Asking the Questions that Lead to Elaboration, Recognizing Elaboration, Show Don't Tell, Specific Concrete Details versus General Language OSPI Instructional Support Materials for Writing These instructional support materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing. Version 2

2. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

3. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Purpose To share teaching strategies that will help students develop a piece of writing that elaborates on a single idea and addresses the needs and interests of a particular audience. Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing. When WASL papers were analyzed, elaboration was the most critical for moving a 2 to a 3 and a 3 to a 4. When WASL papers were analyzed, elaboration was the most critical for moving a 2 to a 3 and a 3 to a 4.

4. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking the Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment?These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment?These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment.

5. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Hillocks has written extensively on the importance of demanding critical thinking of students, of putting them into situations where they have to learn to ask questions about their subject matter, look at multiple points of view, think of what is missing and not just what is evident. In this set of lessons the students are asked to develop elaboration that makes sense and builds on the ideas?rather than starting with organization (e.g., five paragraph essay) and adding ideas afterward. Hillocks has written extensively on the importance of demanding critical thinking of students, of putting them into situations where they have to learn to ask questions about their subject matter, look at multiple points of view, think of what is missing and not just what is evident. In this set of lessons the students are asked to develop elaboration that makes sense and builds on the ideas?rather than starting with organization (e.g., five paragraph essay) and adding ideas afterward.

6. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. Teenagers have problems. The yellow boxes demonstrate a ?Think-Aloud? that your students may recognize from reading instruction. They illustrate how a proficient reader approaches the text and interacts with it. The yellow boxes demonstrate a ?Think-Aloud? that your students may recognize from reading instruction. They illustrate how a proficient reader approaches the text and interacts with it.

7. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. Teenagers have problems. For example, teens don?t always have enough money to buy what they want.

8. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. Teenagers have problems. For example, 80% of teens don?t always have enough money to buy CD?s, food for after school, and the kind of clothes they want, according to Teen Journal.

9. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. Turn to your partner and add even more elaboration to the previous slide. Discuss what kind of CDs, food, and clothes teens may want to buy. Think about who will read what you write. What information will help them understand your idea/argument more clearly? This slide is an extension of the previous one.This slide is an extension of the previous one.

10. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. Perhaps your samples sounded like this. Teenagers have problems. For example, 80% of teens don?t always have enough money to buy CD?s, like the new CD from Clutch, snack and junk food for after school, and the kind of clothes they want like expensive jeans from Abercrombie and Fitch, according to Teen Journal. Together, discuss the elaboration on the PowerPoint slide. Label and discuss Specific language ? CD from Clutch, jeans from Abercrombie and Fitch Expert opinion ? Teen Journal Statistic -80% Students may say that the entire second sentence is an example. This is fine?but probe for more specifics. Together, discuss the elaboration on the PowerPoint slide. Label and discuss Specific language ? CD from Clutch, jeans from Abercrombie and Fitch Expert opinion ? Teen Journal Statistic -80% Students may say that the entire second sentence is an example. This is fine?but probe for more specifics.

11. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Partner Practice This is the same prompt that was used in Lesson One where students were asked to write a letter to their principal. In this lesson, we are asking them to revise a single paragraph found on the next slide. See the next slide. Possible questions are demonstrated as you click the mouse. This is the same prompt that was used in Lesson One where students were asked to write a letter to their principal. In this lesson, we are asking them to revise a single paragraph found on the next slide. See the next slide. Possible questions are demonstrated as you click the mouse.

12. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Huh?! I want to know more. . . I believe we should all have equal rights and should be treated the same; not looking down on those who are younger than us. That?s how it is at our school. Eighth and ninth grade students tease seventh graders and don?t give them the respect they want to be given. That?s why I think the seventh grade students should be offered the elective ?Media.? First, do not click the mouse until all students have read and discussed this slide. Put your students? questions on a chart so they can compare them to the ones that will appear as you click the mouse for four possible question examples. Hopefully your students will have found more and different questions as well. This activity demonstrates what students need to consider when thinking of their audience. When elaboration is complete, the audience?s needs are met.First, do not click the mouse until all students have read and discussed this slide. Put your students? questions on a chart so they can compare them to the ones that will appear as you click the mouse for four possible question examples. Hopefully your students will have found more and different questions as well. This activity demonstrates what students need to consider when thinking of their audience. When elaboration is complete, the audience?s needs are met.

13. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Your Turn Think about the questions you discussed on the previous slide. Rewrite that paragraph from the previous slide using elaboration strategies from Lesson One. Include information that the reader wants and needs to know. Make up any information you need in order to elaborate effectively for your principal. See student sample - Media Class Opportunity for practice The student sample, Media Class, can be found in the Document Folder and is an example of a Post-Instruction revision of this activity. It is from a 7th grader. After your students complete this activity, you may wish to use this Media Class sample to discuss elaboration strategies before handing back your students? papers. You might wish to point out to your students the phrase ?talk smack.? This is a good opportunity to discuss with students appropriate word choice. Ask your students to generate a more appropriate register or tone if addressing their principal. Opportunity for practice The student sample, Media Class, can be found in the Document Folder and is an example of a Post-Instruction revision of this activity. It is from a 7th grader. After your students complete this activity, you may wish to use this Media Class sample to discuss elaboration strategies before handing back your students? papers. You might wish to point out to your students the phrase ?talk smack.? This is a good opportunity to discuss with students appropriate word choice. Ask your students to generate a more appropriate register or tone if addressing their principal.

14. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking the Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own. This could be seen as the performance assessment?where the student demonstrates his/her proficiency at using the material from the lesson Assessment--This activity will also serve as formative assessment for the teacher; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Students likely need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. In this section the teacher will find Scoring Guides and sample papers at varying levels of success.Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own. This could be seen as the performance assessment?where the student demonstrates his/her proficiency at using the material from the lesson Assessment--This activity will also serve as formative assessment for the teacher; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Students likely need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. In this section the teacher will find Scoring Guides and sample papers at varying levels of success.

15. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

16. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? The main reason I love Halloween is the candy. Oh my gosh, it?s like heaven?even for big kids. What I?m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can. When I get to heaven, it will have all those kinds of candy. Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. You might not believe it, but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it will take me 12 days to polish it all off. There?s nothing better than candy if you?re a kid. Read this paragraph orally to students. It might be advantageous for students to have copies of this paragraph so they can see the entire piece at the same time and mark different kinds of elaboration on the papers. See Candy, a 7th grade sample that could be used for any grade level, in the Document Folder. Read this paragraph orally to students. It might be advantageous for students to have copies of this paragraph so they can see the entire piece at the same time and mark different kinds of elaboration on the papers. See Candy, a 7th grade sample that could be used for any grade level, in the Document Folder.

17. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? What I?m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can. DEFINE The writer is attempting to define how getting candy on Halloween is like heaven. This illustrates defining as an elaboration strategy.This illustrates defining as an elaboration strategy.

18. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. - ANECDOTE The writer is including a bit of a narrative story with personal experience to make his point about how he was going to get candy. This illustrates anecdote as an elaboration strategy.This illustrates anecdote as an elaboration strategy.

19. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? You might not believe it but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it will take me 12 days to polish it all off. STATISTICS The writer is making up or remembering statistics that make his point about getting a large amount of candy. This shows the use of statistics as an elaboration strategy.This shows the use of statistics as an elaboration strategy.

20. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration If you can find elaboration strategies in someone else?s writing, you become more aware of them. If you are more aware of them, you will become more thoughtful about threading it into your writing to. . . TELL THE READER MORE. This is a good opportunity to remind students that when they read text, ?read like writers.? Have them intentionally look for elaboration strategies in all types of texts.This is a good opportunity to remind students that when they read text, ?read like writers.? Have them intentionally look for elaboration strategies in all types of texts.

21. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Recognizing Elaboration with a Partner The following paragraphs are also about Halloween. With your class divided into small groups, mark the types of elaboration on each of the four paragraphs. See student sample - Halloween paragraphs Discuss what kinds of elaboration are effective? Easy to recognize? Student samples (Halloween paragraphs) are found in the Document Folder. These are 7th grade post-instruction samples that could be used for any grade.Student samples (Halloween paragraphs) are found in the Document Folder. These are 7th grade post-instruction samples that could be used for any grade.

22. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Your Turn Find the types of elaboration in the following paragraph written about adding a home economics class to the school curriculum. See student sample - Home Economics Student sample Home Economics is found in the Document Folder. These 2 paragraphs are from an actual student response from the 7th grade WASL Pilot (2001). While this excerpt is not a complete essay, students may find the elaboration strategies that help make this an effective response. 1st argument is that home economics will help you become independent. elaboration support. - They wouldn?t have to rely on the freezer for a T.V. dinner or have to buy a new shirt if their old one has a button that has come off. - When they went off to college, those kids would already know many of the skills needed to live away from home and the adjustment wouldn?t be so much of a challenge. 2nd argument is that home economics integrates other subjects - Concepts taught in classes like math and science are integrated into any home economics class. - Fractions are taught in cooking and sewing along with basic mathematic equations to make a double batch or balance a checkbook. - Science is evident all around, for instance when the kids would be experimenting with a new ingredient in a recipe. - Home economics is just as academic as other classes. Your 10th grade students may recognize that this paper includes a concession/rebuttal (concedes an opposing argument and responds). I understand that you may not want to include a home economics class because it is not as rigorously academic as others. (concession) But those same concepts (rebuttal). This is typically taught as an effective persuasive technique. Student sample Home Economics is found in the Document Folder. These 2 paragraphs are from an actual student response from the 7th grade WASL Pilot (2001). While this excerpt is not a complete essay, students may find the elaboration strategies that help make this an effective response. 1st argument is that home economics will help you become independent. elaboration support. - They wouldn?t have to rely on the freezer for a T.V. dinner or have to buy a new shirt if their old one has a button that has come off. - When they went off to college, those kids would already know many of the skills needed to live away from home and the adjustment wouldn?t be so much of a challenge. 2nd argument is that home economics integrates other subjects - Concepts taught in classes like math and science are integrated into any home economics class. - Fractions are taught in cooking and sewing along with basic mathematic equations to make a double batch or balance a checkbook. - Science is evident all around, for instance when the kids would be experimenting with a new ingredient in a recipe. - Home economics is just as academic as other classes. Your 10th grade students may recognize that this paper includes a concession/rebuttal (concedes an opposing argument and responds). I understand that you may not want to include a home economics class because it is not as rigorously academic as others. (concession) But those same concepts (rebuttal). This is typically taught as an effective persuasive technique.

23. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment?These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment?These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment.

24. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Daily showing, not telling practice is an effective way to impact students? writing. Put a ?general sentence? on the overhead or board. See examples below (and on SLIDE 32). Have students create showing sentences. In addition to impacting writing, this is a great entry task, sponge, or transitional activity. An example - A general sentence - My dog was playing. A showing sentence - Growling and slobbering, my 3-year-old black lab Grover tugged at the rubber bone I held in my hand. More general sentence examples - The movie was exciting. I walked home. The make-up aisle was full. A crowd assembled in the gym. We went to the birthday party. Everyone at the game was excited. The dog learned a trick. My cat is nice. The building was tall. The building was old. The building was new. The cookies were colorful and good. Daily showing, not telling practice is an effective way to impact students? writing. Put a ?general sentence? on the overhead or board. See examples below (and on SLIDE 32). Have students create showing sentences. In addition to impacting writing, this is a great entry task, sponge, or transitional activity. An example - A general sentence - My dog was playing. A showing sentence - Growling and slobbering, my 3-year-old black lab Grover tugged at the rubber bone I held in my hand. More general sentence examples - The movie was exciting. I walked home. The make-up aisle was full. A crowd assembled in the gym. We went to the birthday party. Everyone at the game was excited. The dog learned a trick. My cat is nice. The building was tall. The building was old. The building was new. The cookies were colorful and good.

25. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Show, don?t tell. What is the difference between these two sentences? Which one is better and why? A. The room was a mess. B. Rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way into the room. Students should be able to recognize and tell why the second example is more explicit and creates a mental picture. Also, the verb pushed is much stronger than the ?to be? verb was in the first sentence. Students should be able to recognize and tell why the second example is more explicit and creates a mental picture. Also, the verb pushed is much stronger than the ?to be? verb was in the first sentence.

26. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition of Telling and Showing Telling is the use of broad generalizations. Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics, examples, anecdotes, quotations, dialogue ? elaboration? to develop, persuade, explain, or enliven a story. Read the definition to the students. Clarify any words they might not understand. Generate examples. Distribute WASL Elab samples from the Document Folder. Discuss how show, don?t tell can be used within a variety of strategies. Focus the discussion on the details that show. Read the definition to the students. Clarify any words they might not understand. Generate examples. Distribute WASL Elab samples from the Document Folder. Discuss how show, don?t tell can be used within a variety of strategies. Focus the discussion on the details that show.

27. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Show with Description White shirts are dumb. White shirts are hard to clean, show pizza stains, and make you look like a waiter in a cheesy restaurant. Read slide. Discuss the elaboration in the second sentence. See if students could add different descriptive words or phrases to this sentence. Read slide. Discuss the elaboration in the second sentence. See if students could add different descriptive words or phrases to this sentence.

28. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 1 There are many fascinating things to see at the Farmer?s Market, which has been around for a long time. This slide and the next three slides show different types of elaboration. There will be a variety of elaborative strategies, but one that will stand out. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. In each case students should discuss and identify words that SHOW rather than tell. You may want to duplicate these slides so students can highlight the words working with partners. Vivid description is the main elaboration strategy used here to show the many fascinating things to see at the Farmers? Market. Find the words that show that the market is fascinating. This slide and the next three slides show different types of elaboration. There will be a variety of elaborative strategies, but one that will stand out. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. In each case students should discuss and identify words that SHOW rather than tell. You may want to duplicate these slides so students can highlight the words working with partners. Vivid description is the main elaboration strategy used here to show the many fascinating things to see at the Farmers? Market. Find the words that show that the market is fascinating.

29. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 2 The Beatles started a new trend in music in the mid-sixties. For many Americans the evening of February 9,1964, was a turning point in musical history. On this evening the Beatles made their debut in America on the Ed Sullivan television show. Kathi Anderson, then sixteen in Chicago, remembers, ?My friends and I sat shaking and hugging each other on the couch in my living room as the Fab Four bounced out onto the stage. Their shaggy hair shook as they sang ?I Want to Hold Your Hand? and ?She Loves You? with an energy and sound we?d never heard before. We were instantly and forever in love.? That night the British Invasion, as it was called, began. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. The anecdote (or personal story) is the main elaboration strategy used here. Discuss with students the words that show this might have become a new trend. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. The anecdote (or personal story) is the main elaboration strategy used here. Discuss with students the words that show this might have become a new trend.

30. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 3 The Seattle Sonics, led by Ray Allen, won Friday?s game. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. The author uses statistics to show specifically how the Sonics won. Discuss with students the words that show how they won. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. The author uses statistics to show specifically how the Sonics won. Discuss with students the words that show how they won.

31. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 4 Manastash Field is dangerous. Manastash Soccer Field has caused more injuries to players than any other in the valley according to Tony Vela, the director of the North Valley Soccer Association. ?The field is nothing more than sand and hard clay. Clouds of dust explode into the air when players kick the ball. My players say it?s hard to see and breathe. When they fall, they end up with bloody shins.? Vela called upon the North Valley Parks Department to spend its money on fixing fields rather than on useless advertising. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. The author uses a quotation from an expert and vivid description to show in detail why the field is dangerous. Discuss with students the words that show that the field is dangerous. The red sentence is the topic (telling) sentence. The author uses a quotation from an expert and vivid description to show in detail why the field is dangerous. Discuss with students the words that show that the field is dangerous.

32. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Some General Sentences With a partner, discuss how to make these sentences show, rather than tell. Pick two and rewrite them on your own. Have students pick two of the sentences and rewrite them so they show, rather than tell. The goal is to make the reader see, hear, feel, touch, or taste the experience. It?s ok to write multiple sentences or multiple paragraphs. Have students get together in groups of four to share sentences. Each student will read both revisions out loud. The others listen quietly and then give feedback one at a time. They should tell the writer what they liked and make suggestions to add showing details. Example - Telling sentence - The car was filthy. Showing sentences - When I opened the door of my son?s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger?s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver?s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel. Have students pick two of the sentences and rewrite them so they show, rather than tell. The goal is to make the reader see, hear, feel, touch, or taste the experience. It?s ok to write multiple sentences or multiple paragraphs. Have students get together in groups of four to share sentences. Each student will read both revisions out loud. The others listen quietly and then give feedback one at a time. They should tell the writer what they liked and make suggestions to add showing details. Example - Telling sentence - The car was filthy. Showing sentences - When I opened the door of my son?s car, I was first assaulted by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the passenger?s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy, scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver?s seat, hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the steering wheel.

33. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Not So General Sentences Each group should select one revision from the previous slide to share with the class. See student samples - General vs. Specific Reflections HS Reflections MS Then, have students explain either orally or in a note to the teacher what they were thinking, what strategies they chose, and why. Find the student samples, General vs. Specific in the document folder. You may want to use these samples to stimulate a group discussion of how Show Don?t Tell impacts the effectiveness of writing. Then, tell your students that they get to see inside the heads (see the thinking) of other students in Washington state. Show the Reflections MS (Middle School) or Reflections HS (High School) found in the Document Folder, depending on your grade level. Have students read these aloud and discuss how other students felt their writing was impacted by these lessons. OPTIONAL ACTIVITY An optional follow-up activity. Have students list as many pizza ingredients as they can on the overhead. Then, in their groups of four, they write a well-elaborated description of the most disgusting pizza ever. This activity was very well received by tenth graders. Then, have students explain either orally or in a note to the teacher what they were thinking, what strategies they chose, and why. Find the student samples, General vs. Specific in the document folder. You may want to use these samples to stimulate a group discussion of how Show Don?t Tell impacts the effectiveness of writing. Then, tell your students that they get to see inside the heads (see the thinking) of other students in Washington state. Show the Reflections MS (Middle School) or Reflections HS (High School) found in the Document Folder, depending on your grade level. Have students read these aloud and discuss how other students felt their writing was impacted by these lessons. OPTIONAL ACTIVITY An optional follow-up activity. Have students list as many pizza ingredients as they can on the overhead. Then, in their groups of four, they write a well-elaborated description of the most disgusting pizza ever. This activity was very well received by tenth graders.

34. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflections This slide is a visual showing students thinking about their work and helps to foster a thoughtful environment for students as they write their own reflections. This slide is a visual showing students thinking about their work and helps to foster a thoughtful environment for students as they write their own reflections.

35. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Your Turn Think back to the examples from the Beatles, the Farmers? Market, Ray Allen, and the Manastash Soccer Field. Discuss with your partner which example appealed most to you. Why? Which example might your principal or one of your parents like? Why? Opportunity for practice A beginning writer tends to focus on him/herself. As the writer progresses, s/he becomes more aware of audience and the needs of the audience. This second question emphasizes how the writer considers which details would appeal to each reader.Opportunity for practice A beginning writer tends to focus on him/herself. As the writer progresses, s/he becomes more aware of audience and the needs of the audience. This second question emphasizes how the writer considers which details would appeal to each reader.

36. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment?These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Each lesson has four parts. Entry?a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student?s daily lives Lesson?the new information or concepts for the section Activity?the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment?These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not ?getting it,? it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment.

37. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

38. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Words are like rocks. If you are able to get actual rocks, and even a piece of concrete, they create a solid visual for students. If you are able to get actual rocks, and even a piece of concrete, they create a solid visual for students.

39. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Rocks are not as strong as CONCRETE. Have students generate all the things in which they would find concrete - buildings, a bank safe, foundation for skyscraper, bridge, and even the fillings in teeth are made of a type of concrete. Concrete makes things stronger. Concrete details will make a paper stronger. Have students generate all the things in which they would find concrete - buildings, a bank safe, foundation for skyscraper, bridge, and even the fillings in teeth are made of a type of concrete. Concrete makes things stronger. Concrete details will make a paper stronger.

40. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Look for the SPECIFIC details. Meredith and Maria slammed their lockers and ran down the Freshmen Hall toward the lunchroom. How much longer until they would have their official Driver?s License and could eat off campus? They could barely stand the thought of eating hot lunch pizza, a fruit cup, and washing it down with a 6-ounce carton of chocolate milk. Three more months until they turned 16. Agony. As you click on the mouse, red dots will appear and cover the SPECIFIC details in this paragraph. Concrete details are the exact names of things, places, and people. They help create a higher level of specificity in a paper. As you click on the mouse, red dots will appear and cover the SPECIFIC details in this paragraph. Concrete details are the exact names of things, places, and people. They help create a higher level of specificity in a paper.

41. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Using Specific Details The example of Grade 7 Lunch or Grade 10 Lunch can be found in Document Folder and may be used in the following ways: First share the 10th grade samples which are shorter, quick to discuss, and show the attempts at specific language. Students will note that some are still stronger than others (these are noted with reasons). Make the point in the discussion that while adding specific details is elaboration, students always need to read over their work to see, ?Does this make sense? Do my additions make it better? Is this effective?? Share the 7th grade sample second. This is one longer paragraph that shows elaboration strategies. Example - For example, I like the spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread, the pepperoni pizza, the cheese burgers with fries, the burritos with sour cream, and last but not least, the cheesy nachos with melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. Anecdote - I remember one time when I ate in the CCMS Cafeteria for the first time and ate the best cheesy nachos I had eaten in a long time. I was a little messy with the hot, spicy nacho cheese all over my face and hands when I was finished. I guess I got a little carried away with the spicy nacho cheese. I had to scrub my face and hands really well before I left the cafeteria and went to the next class. Specific details - Chief Chinook Middle School Cafeteria?spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread, the pepperoni pizza, the cheese burgers with fries, the burritos with sour cream?hot, spicy nacho cheese? (While these are a list, they provide specificity and description.) The example of Grade 7 Lunch or Grade 10 Lunch can be found in Document Folder and may be used in the following ways: First share the 10th grade samples which are shorter, quick to discuss, and show the attempts at specific language. Students will note that some are still stronger than others (these are noted with reasons). Make the point in the discussion that while adding specific details is elaboration, students always need to read over their work to see, ?Does this make sense? Do my additions make it better? Is this effective?? Share the 7th grade sample second. This is one longer paragraph that shows elaboration strategies. Example - For example, I like the spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread, the pepperoni pizza, the cheese burgers with fries, the burritos with sour cream, and last but not least, the cheesy nachos with melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. Anecdote - I remember one time when I ate in the CCMS Cafeteria for the first time and ate the best cheesy nachos I had eaten in a long time. I was a little messy with the hot, spicy nacho cheese all over my face and hands when I was finished. I guess I got a little carried away with the spicy nacho cheese. I had to scrub my face and hands really well before I left the cafeteria and went to the next class. Specific details - Chief Chinook Middle School Cafeteria?spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread, the pepperoni pizza, the cheese burgers with fries, the burritos with sour cream?hot, spicy nacho cheese? (While these are a list, they provide specificity and description.)

42. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Be specific. Your word choices do not have to be Big words Fancy words Words from a thesaurus Remember, to elaborate powerfully and effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC. Use concrete, specific details.

43. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Work with a partner. Find the specific, concrete details in the student sample, Locker. Highlight these specific details. You may want to make copies of the Locker paragraph for students to use actual highlighters. The 7th grade student sample is in the Document Folder. Some of the highlighted words might include Chief Chinook Middle School Mrs. McFreel 14-72-30 locker number 227 right-left-right- Mr. Rios special locker key 272 3 days of practice You may want to make copies of the Locker paragraph for students to use actual highlighters. The 7th grade student sample is in the Document Folder. Some of the highlighted words might include Chief Chinook Middle School Mrs. McFreel 14-72-30 locker number 227 right-left-right- Mr. Rios special locker key 272 3 days of practice

44. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Your Turn Add specific, concrete details to make the following paragraph effective. Besides helping to forget the problems life throws at us for a while, acting is a fun learning experience. You get to pose as characters much different from yourself and for a short period of time, get to walk in someone else?s shoes. You can be famous or live in a foreign country. With acting you can be whatever you like. See student sample - Grade 10 Drama See - Elaboration Scoring Guide Student samples are in the Document Folder. There you will find this paragraph written before (pre) elaboration instruction and a paragraph written after (post) elaboration instruction. These were scored using the Elaboration Scoring Guide found in the Document Folder. You will want to discuss the differences in the two paragraphs using the Elaboration Scoring Guide. You may also have students use the Scoring Guide to score their own revisions. Student samples are in the Document Folder. There you will find this paragraph written before (pre) elaboration instruction and a paragraph written after (post) elaboration instruction. These were scored using the Elaboration Scoring Guide found in the Document Folder. You will want to discuss the differences in the two paragraphs using the Elaboration Scoring Guide. You may also have students use the Scoring Guide to score their own revisions.

45. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Feedback, please We welcome your comments. Please feel free to try these lessons and send feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at nelliott@ospi.wednet.edu. We appreciate your labeling the subject line as Feedback: OSPI Instructional Support Materials. This slide is for teachers only.This slide is for teachers only.


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